


Just Beyond His Reach

by firstdegreefangirl



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Best Friends, Canonical Character Death, Eddie is sad, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Found Family, Gen, Hurt Eddie Diaz, M/M, Minor Character Death, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Slash, Season/Series 02, Team as Family, The Author Cried Writing This, The Author Regrets Nothing, but - Freeform, like right after, no Shannon hate, takes place after Shannon dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:07:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23572837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firstdegreefangirl/pseuds/firstdegreefangirl
Summary: Eddie goes back to the beach to read the letter Shannon wrote for Christopher. He thought he could handle it, but when he can't, he calls Buck.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan “Buck” Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 154





	Just Beyond His Reach

**Author's Note:**

> Here it is! Fresh from the depths of my hard drive, written close to a year ago right after 2.17 aired. The original plan was for this to be chapter one, and to develop Buck and Eddie's relationship as Eddie healed, but the show went a different route and I lost my mojo on it. 
> 
> Still really like this, though, so I'm publishing it now, and I'm not necessarily opposed to adding to it in the future, if I come up with any more ideas for this 'verse.

_But always know that I love you, baby. Even if it’s from a distance._

_Love,_

_Your Mom_

The first tears hit the paper before Eddie gets his arms to cooperate well enough to toss Shannon’s letter to the side. _Maybe Christopher will want it some day_. But the last of his self-control gets tossed aside with it, and he pulls his knees to his chest as the sobs start wracking his body.

She’s gone. Shannon’s gone. His wife. His ex-wife. Even if it wasn’t finalized, she’d wanted the divorce. Maybe it was just so they could start over, but still. Somehow it feels wrong to be calling her his wife, knowing that she didn’t want that for them.

But does it even matter? She’s gone, hit by a car and killed. Never coming back.

And he’s alone.

His abuela has Christopher for tonight, maybe a couple more too. He’s having enough trouble wrapping his head around his mom leaving again without having to see her things around the house.

_Maybe Eddie will see if he can take Abuela’s couch for a while. Or his Tia’s. Because he doesn’t think he can be at home right now either._

As soon as the thought enters his brain, though, he knows that his abuela’s fold-out won’t bring him any comfort. She’ll wrap her arms around him and pack him full of hot food, and that will be nice, but he can already picture the way she’ll look at him when she thinks he’s not watching – the pity in her eyes and how she’s treating him like he might break too.

He’s not sure where he wants to be right now, but he knows that’s not it.

The beach is OK for now, though. Even in his current state, he can’t deny its beauty. He wishes Shannon were with him, knows he’ll never stop wishing that, but as he drags his head out from between his knees, he notices that there’s a band of yellow right at the horizon line. Sunsets usually have yellow in them, he knows this, there’s nothing particularly special about that.

Just for a moment, though, he lets himself be convinced that it’s the same color as her shirt. The one still sealed in the hospital belongings bag. And he lets himself believe that it’s a sign, the yellow fading into the water’s surface, the water stretching on for all eternity, its edge just beyond his reach.

Shannon, just beyond his reach.

His chest heaves with another sob and he throws himself backwards onto the sand, spreading out to let the last yellow rays warm his body one last time.

He’s still crying when darkness falls completely, try as he might to stop the tears from flowing. He needs to pull himself back together, figure out where he’s staying tonight. Maybe go see Christopher again, so he at least knows that his daddy isn’t dead too. But he can’t let Christopher see him like this. He can’t let _anyone_ see him like this.

Which is why he rolls over to check the time, then stares at a blank text message for several moments before locking his phone and laying back down to pick out the few stars he can find in the LA sky. He’s not sure how long he’s been watching the darkness when he realizes that his fingers were lightyears ahead of his brain. Jerking sideways, he opens his phone back up, and the depth of the situation hits him like …

Well, like a car. But the metaphor hurts him even worse, and he’s still trying to shake the knot from his chest when he hears heavy footsteps pushing closer through the sand.

* * *

“Eddie! Shit, Eddie. Eddie, are you …” Buck slides to his knees, looking Eddie up and down where he lays in the sand. Eddie can tell he’s looking for injuries, but he can’t find it in him to do anything but lay there as hot tears run down his face.

He jerks when Buck presses two fingers to the side of his neck, the physical contact dragging him back into full awareness. He gasps and sits up, turning away from his friend.

“Hey, take it easy, man. Breathe, you’ve gotta get that pulse down. C’mon, breathe, Eddie.” He sounds out of breath himself, probably having run the length of the pier when he got Eddie’s half-coherent text. “Say something, dude. Talk to me.”

Eddie swears loudly at the ocean, staring right where the strip of yellow had been.

“OK,” Buck’s clearly trying not to chuckle. “That counts. Do it again, if you want. Whatever helps.”

He does, several times. By the end of it, he’s sobbing again, but out of tears. It’s just big, dry gulps of air between ragged breaths and raspy shouts. When he’s done, he falls back again, but this time Buck is there to catch him, help guide him down so he doesn’t hit his head on the sand.

“How long have you been out here? It’s almost 11.”

Eddie doesn’t answer right away, but Buck can’t tell if he’s doing the math or trying to process the question itself.

“Dunno,” he finally sighs. “Does it matter?”

“’Course it matters. You drive out here?”

“Walked. Abuela lives up the street.”

“Yeah? Christopher?”

“He knows. I-I told him. Uh, dunno if he gets it, but he knows. And he knows he gets a sleepover with Abuelita.”

“Good. It’s good that he heard it from you. Are you, uh, are you going home tonight?”

“I can’t. I can’t do it, Buck. I can’t be there. I-I can’t.” Eddie can feel bile rising in his chest, feels his heart pounding out of his chest, and twists away again.

“Hey, easy. That’s alright. You have somewhere to go?”

“I don’t want to stay with Abuela. She’s gonna look at me all sad.”

“Ok. I’ve got a spare room again, now that Maddie’s moved out.”

“Can’t ask you to do that.”

“You’re not asking. C’mon, I’m not leaving you out here on the beach, man. But I’m getting cold. Let’s go. We’ll come get your truck in the morning.”

“Yeah, OK.” Eddie’s voice sounds distant, even to his own ears, but he’s grateful to Buck for making decisions for him. He lets the other man stand first – doesn’t notice Buck picking up the three sheets of blue paper and tucking them into his jeans pocket – then reaches up so Buck can hoist him to his feet.

Before either of them can walk anywhere, though, Eddie’s throwing his arms around Buck’s neck and squeezing.

“Thanks,” he whispers hoarsely against Buck’s shoulder when his arms come up to hug Eddie back.

“Anytime, man. You’re like family, y’know?”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! You know what to do with the buttons down below!  
> xoxo


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